I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my shit smells like andre
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
