I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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