It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
