ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
