I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
