Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it hurts more in the daytime
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
