billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize