I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
