you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
