meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
