I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
