So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
