Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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