And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize