i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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