I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
