I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
