last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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