Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
