i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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