I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
