I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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