Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she told me i tasted like america
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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