Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
