i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
