you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
