it wasn't lemon gatorade
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
