The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
