Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
