they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
