So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
