At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I just sharted jello shots
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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