I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
