He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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