So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
