GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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