is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
