I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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