the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
