im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
