he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize