i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
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I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
how drunk are you?
Several
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