Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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