Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
