i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
