I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
