3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
