Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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