1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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