How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You're like the curious george of whores
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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