Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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