I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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