Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
