I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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