Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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