I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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