i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
