Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
