Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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