Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
