How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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