It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
