I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
