I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
