All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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