I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
