How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
