omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
