Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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