I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
