we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
