Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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