You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
