I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
